ohabutt:

in  middle school my friend used to give me these huge lemons to eat because they were delicious and one time i was eating one and some idiot told me he’d give me ten bucks to take a huge bite and another kid added five so i got 15 american dollar for doing what i was already doing truly this is  the land of opportunity

(via sorry)

pyrilia:

my dads renovating his kitchen and he called me out of my room to help him but when i came out

so i called him and

IM PSSING MYSELF HES JUST CHILLING IN THE ROOF HE DIDNT EVEN NEED MY HELP OMFG

(via uncumpetent)